This October, in the most predictable occurrence the world has seen since FDR's re-election, Chris Kaman became the single most unguardable man on the planet. Christopher's collection of moves in the low post have always been impressive, but as of late our man has simply been a force of nature on the basketball court. I now feel comfortable saying that Christopher's repertoire with the basketball in his hands is almost comparable with the wide variety of techniques he implements in pleasuring women during love-making. Whether it's in the key or between the sheets, Christopher is causing people to orgasm with his skills, and I think it's about time America takes notice. Christopher nails twenty-footers like Jesus, finger rolls like Mary, and slam dunks like the Holy Spirit, and still gets absolutely no love from the national media. The media's infatuation with the white man is well documented -- we do not have to do much research to understand why the Ebony Prince himself, Chris Kaman, get's no exposure -- but that does not make it right. The Kamaniac is currently averaging 22.8 points, 10.6 rebounds, 2.1 blocks, 3.2 assists, and 5 baby-mama's avoided per game. He has established himself as the pen-ultimate go to guy and will without a doubt surpass Wilt Chamberlain's scoring records both in the NBA and with the gentler sex. In a survey of myself, his brother, and his parents, he was unanimously selected as the greatest to ever lace them up.
It is with this entry that I officially begin my quest to make Chris Kaman an N.B.A. All-Star. I am hereby pleading with you, the people of the world, to do all you can to make sure this happens. If Christopher does not make the Western-Conference all-star team this year, I will be genuinely disappointed and Chris Kaman will be genuinely pissed off and much more likely to choke the prostitutes working his corners. For my sake, as well as his ho's, please vote Chris Kaman for NBA All-Star. The lives of Sparkle and Sharonda may be in your hands.
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