You Just Got Knocked the Fuck Out.

This past saturday night, I took a break from my usual weekend evening routine of talking about Chris Kaman and instead opted to stay in and watch some boxing. The fight was between Floyd "Money" Mayweather and Juan Manuel Marquez, two passionate and skilled athletes hoping to punch eachother's faces. Early in the bout, through his domination of Marquez, it became very apparent that Mr. Mayweather is indeed quite the fighter. Floyd is able to dodge a punch like Chris Kaman dodges a baby-mama, and he delivers a blow better than Vanessa Bryant after dinner and a movie with Brian Skinner. Floyd is a very talented boxer, and he knows it. It is clear that he believes himself to be the best fighter on the planet, and as such, I believe he should go against the best. Following that logic, it only makes sense that he should be put in the ring with Christopher "Crack Rocks" Kaman. In order to cement his status as a boxing legend, Mayweather should go against Kaman in some gigantic stadium somewhere. While I doubt "Money" Mayweather is heavily influenced by material things and financial gain, I am certain that inclusion in a battle with Kaman would bring financial stability to the next 17-26 generations of Mayweather's--an oppurtunity that a family man like Floyd simply cannot pass up. Understanding these facts, I feel it is only a matter of time before these two muscular ebony men go toe-to-toe. In anticipation of that, lets check out how they measure up:

Christopher "Crack Rocks" Kaman
Height: 7'0"
Weight: 252
Reach: 86"
Penis Length (Flaccid): 23"

Floyd "Money" Mayweather
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 146
Reach: 72"
Penis Length: 6"

After carefully analyzing these measurements, it becomes abundantly clear that Chris Kaman would beat the living shit out of Floyd Mayweather. Outweighing him by more than a hundred pounds, with a 17 inch height and penis size advantage, Kaman would surely dominate the fight. In fact, it would be shocking if "Money" lasted one round in the ring with "Crack Rocks." Kaman, using his advantages in power, reach, choking technique, and swagger would probably knock out Mayweather and rob his entire posse (including Triple H) before the bikini-clad white girl walks through the ring holding a big number "2." Kiss the rings, Floyd. Christopher Kaman, the K.O. Man.