Dollar Dollar Bill Y'all

As all of God's creatures should know at this point, money plays a critical role in Chris Kaman's emotional and physical well-being. Cash Rules Everything Aroung Chris Kaman (or C.R.E.A.C.K.) is an organization dedicated to augmenting Christopher's silly cash flow. C.R.E.A.C.K. works tirelessly to make sure that Christopher is able to spend his money frivolously--whether it be on explosives, high-priced prostitutes, diamond-encrusted stuff, or all of the above--without having to worry about the bummer that is bankruptcy. Simply put, Christopher is far too important and volatile to not have the fattest of pockets. Should Christoper ever feel a financial pinch, a string of robberies and violence against the caucasian race would be sure to follow. Ensuring that Chris Kaman continues to get that paper is a task that requires due diligence from all of us. By keeping Christopher ballin' in an outrageous manner, we ensure that our children, grandchildren, and other future humans we may care about have a slight chance at existence. As the incomparable John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to make sure Chris Kaman stays PAID. HELLA-PAID."