You Just Got Knocked the Fuck Out.

This past saturday night, I took a break from my usual weekend evening routine of talking about Chris Kaman and instead opted to stay in and watch some boxing. The fight was between Floyd "Money" Mayweather and Juan Manuel Marquez, two passionate and skilled athletes hoping to punch eachother's faces. Early in the bout, through his domination of Marquez, it became very apparent that Mr. Mayweather is indeed quite the fighter. Floyd is able to dodge a punch like Chris Kaman dodges a baby-mama, and he delivers a blow better than Vanessa Bryant after dinner and a movie with Brian Skinner. Floyd is a very talented boxer, and he knows it. It is clear that he believes himself to be the best fighter on the planet, and as such, I believe he should go against the best. Following that logic, it only makes sense that he should be put in the ring with Christopher "Crack Rocks" Kaman. In order to cement his status as a boxing legend, Mayweather should go against Kaman in some gigantic stadium somewhere. While I doubt "Money" Mayweather is heavily influenced by material things and financial gain, I am certain that inclusion in a battle with Kaman would bring financial stability to the next 17-26 generations of Mayweather's--an oppurtunity that a family man like Floyd simply cannot pass up. Understanding these facts, I feel it is only a matter of time before these two muscular ebony men go toe-to-toe. In anticipation of that, lets check out how they measure up:

Christopher "Crack Rocks" Kaman
Height: 7'0"
Weight: 252
Reach: 86"
Penis Length (Flaccid): 23"

Floyd "Money" Mayweather
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 146
Reach: 72"
Penis Length: 6"

After carefully analyzing these measurements, it becomes abundantly clear that Chris Kaman would beat the living shit out of Floyd Mayweather. Outweighing him by more than a hundred pounds, with a 17 inch height and penis size advantage, Kaman would surely dominate the fight. In fact, it would be shocking if "Money" lasted one round in the ring with "Crack Rocks." Kaman, using his advantages in power, reach, choking technique, and swagger would probably knock out Mayweather and rob his entire posse (including Triple H) before the bikini-clad white girl walks through the ring holding a big number "2." Kiss the rings, Floyd. Christopher Kaman, the K.O. Man.

Dollar Dollar Bill Y'all

As all of God's creatures should know at this point, money plays a critical role in Chris Kaman's emotional and physical well-being. Cash Rules Everything Aroung Chris Kaman (or C.R.E.A.C.K.) is an organization dedicated to augmenting Christopher's silly cash flow. C.R.E.A.C.K. works tirelessly to make sure that Christopher is able to spend his money frivolously--whether it be on explosives, high-priced prostitutes, diamond-encrusted stuff, or all of the above--without having to worry about the bummer that is bankruptcy. Simply put, Christopher is far too important and volatile to not have the fattest of pockets. Should Christoper ever feel a financial pinch, a string of robberies and violence against the caucasian race would be sure to follow. Ensuring that Chris Kaman continues to get that paper is a task that requires due diligence from all of us. By keeping Christopher ballin' in an outrageous manner, we ensure that our children, grandchildren, and other future humans we may care about have a slight chance at existence. As the incomparable John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to make sure Chris Kaman stays PAID. HELLA-PAID."

I Just Want To Draw You.

I am always inspired to draw the most cold-blooded superman lover on the planet, Christopher Kaman. Today, inspired by his existence, I did these:

Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud.

Chris Kaman Dunking On A Baby Giraffe.