Extra-Curricular, Extra-Testicular

For those of you who don't know, Chris Kaman is a seven-foot tall white dude who plays for the Clippers. He is sometimes good at putting the ball in the basket, and if he is feeling particularly spunky he can grab a rebound or block a shot or both. These things, however, offer us a very limited understanding of Chris Kaman, and it is because of this fact that I have decided to bequeth upon you, the reader, the other positions Chris Kaman holds as well as how he chooses to use his spare time:

Positions:
-Samuel L. Jackson's acting coach.
-Porn Star
-NAACP President.
-Published author of books they only sell in African-American niche bookstores.
-Inventor of the waffle.
-Inventor of the seedless watermelon.
-Baddest Mother-Fucker on the planet.

Hobbies:
-Hitting up Oprah for booty-calls.
-Walk-By Shootings.
-Keeping titties bouncing.
-Chess.
-Dice games.
-Blowing shit up.
-Representing.
-Fucking strippers on piles of cash.
-Making Jam.
-Murdering your favorite rapper (lyrically prior to actually).
-Eating a good meal with good company.
-Long Crip Walks on the Moon.
-Interior design.