*Editor's Note: With all the hoopla and fanfare surrounding our beloved Chris Kaman these days, it is important that we not forget about other grotesquely large physical specimens whom have sexily worn the Los Angeles Clipper jersey throughout the years. To give one of these legends their proper due, CKSwag proudly welcomes our Eastern European correspondent, Fritz Novak, for the sites very first (and hopefully not last) guest post. Fritz is a spectacularly-endowed bastion of knowledge on all things Serbia as well as Montenegro, and is more than familiar with the Eastern Europe's tradition of fine professional basketball players and whores. Without further ado, I'll allow Mr. Novak to drop some knowledge on all of your bitch-asses...
You may have forgotten about this 7 foot Serbian powerhouse and his abnormally-sized head, but he most certainly has not forgotten about you. While Chris Kaman was just commencing to cripwalk across the Clippers court, Zeljko Rebraca was monosylabically explaining to Shaunie O'Neal why he was too good for her "even for make to him blowjob". Though the wages paid for his services at the time as both backup center and contract killer were more than substantial, he still drove a 1982 Yugo so as to avoid police detection. Also because he never forgot where the fuck he came from.
And that would be what the former Yugoslavia. As players around him talked smack about their dangerous upbringing, Zeljko Rebraca could only shake his head and laugh. While Ron Artest spoke of growing up around notorious crack kingpin "Supreme," Zeljko could barely supress his condescension enough to point out that while serving a life sentence, the inaccurately named drug lord was never tried by the motherfucking UN. For crimes against humanity! The closest to a crime against humanity ever perpetrated by another NBA player was Luke Walton giving the world the impression that Americans are homosexual and terrible at sports.
As a child he abstained from the ugly fighting in the Yugoslav civil wars and ethnic cleansing, because he was not put on this earth to kill Bosnians and Albanians. After retiring from playing the game he loved, his purpose here is to devour the souls of ignorant basketball fans in LA and indeed all over the world. So to anyone who voted Kobe to the all-defensive first team, said Rajon Rondo was in the same category as Chris Paul and Derrick Rose, or is named Skip Bayless: Y'all better wear some garlic around your necks, because knives, bullets, grenades and normally fatal levels of alcohol and cocaine have proven ineffective in causing any significant structural or internal damage to the machine known affectionately as Zelly. Just ask anybody's who's tried to sell stolen cars or gun parts within 30 miles of the Staples Center without giving him a 30% cut. Consider yourselves warned.
You may have forgotten about this 7 foot Serbian powerhouse and his abnormally-sized head, but he most certainly has not forgotten about you. While Chris Kaman was just commencing to cripwalk across the Clippers court, Zeljko Rebraca was monosylabically explaining to Shaunie O'Neal why he was too good for her "even for make to him blowjob". Though the wages paid for his services at the time as both backup center and contract killer were more than substantial, he still drove a 1982 Yugo so as to avoid police detection. Also because he never forgot where the fuck he came from.
And that would be what the former Yugoslavia. As players around him talked smack about their dangerous upbringing, Zeljko Rebraca could only shake his head and laugh. While Ron Artest spoke of growing up around notorious crack kingpin "Supreme," Zeljko could barely supress his condescension enough to point out that while serving a life sentence, the inaccurately named drug lord was never tried by the motherfucking UN. For crimes against humanity! The closest to a crime against humanity ever perpetrated by another NBA player was Luke Walton giving the world the impression that Americans are homosexual and terrible at sports.
As a child he abstained from the ugly fighting in the Yugoslav civil wars and ethnic cleansing, because he was not put on this earth to kill Bosnians and Albanians. After retiring from playing the game he loved, his purpose here is to devour the souls of ignorant basketball fans in LA and indeed all over the world. So to anyone who voted Kobe to the all-defensive first team, said Rajon Rondo was in the same category as Chris Paul and Derrick Rose, or is named Skip Bayless: Y'all better wear some garlic around your necks, because knives, bullets, grenades and normally fatal levels of alcohol and cocaine have proven ineffective in causing any significant structural or internal damage to the machine known affectionately as Zelly. Just ask anybody's who's tried to sell stolen cars or gun parts within 30 miles of the Staples Center without giving him a 30% cut. Consider yourselves warned.
